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I’m not a medical professional. The following is my personal experience. Please talk to your Doctor before you change your medication or take painkillers.

It’s Sunday morning. I can’t see the clock, but I can tell it’s late.* I try not to move a muscle. It’s the sort of game you play when you’re six, not sixty. I took some ibuprofen at about 7:30 this morning, and it’s beginning to wear off. I can feel the numbness coming on, but nothing really hurts yet. My six-year-old logic is that if I lie perfectly still, then maybe I won’t feel the pain. Not so long ago, I would have been appalled to be in bed at this time, but a lot has changed since then.

I write and rewrite this blog in my head. Writing doesn’t come naturally to me, so on the rare occasions it flows, I need to get it on paper before it disappears. It’s already slipping away. How did this paragraph start? I need a pencil and some paper, but I don’t want to move.

“I’m not fighting anything… I’m not part of the resistance, more a disgruntled conscientious objector”.

I’m going to have to move soon. At one time, weekends were for fitting in the things I wanted to do, free from the commitments of someone else’s timetable. I couldn’t lie in bed; I had stuff to do. Now life is far simpler; weekday or weekend, it’s much the same. Get through the day as painlessly as possible, still be here tomorrow, that’s my job for today. Some people describe fighting pain. I’m not fighting anything; it’s happening, and I’m putting up with it. I’m less part of the resistance; more of a disgruntled conscientious objector.

Sticking with this tired metaphor, it’s been nearly four months since Amitriptyline ceded control of my brain to Fluoxetine and my neurons, the citizens of my grey matter, are far from happy. I started counting in days and then weeks, the way you do with a baby. ‘Ah, how cute. How old? Four months, lovely!’ Or not so lovely in this case. I can’t consider the idea that this battle may still be waging after a year.

Too Many Painkillers!

The painkiller is wearing off. My head hurts. I’ve made a commitment to myself not to take painkillers during the day. I have a fear of taking too many, and I need them to help me sleep.

If I need to, as I did last night, I take ibuprofen before I go to bed. That allows me to sleep sometime between midnight and 3 am. When I wake, I usually spend the first few minutes, as I am now, trying to pretend it’s not happening; it always is.

When I need to, I take two Co-Codamol, but be careful, they’re not for everyday use. However, last night was one of those times. I go to the bathroom, stare out of the window for a while, and have a stretch. I discovered that the muscle numbness and pain I’ve been trying to describe for the past few months is called akathisia. It’s the devil and my constant companion.

The Co-Codamol takes about 45 minutes to start having an effect. I’d like to read, but I can’t concentrate. I’ve tried listening to a podcast, but using earbuds with a headache makes it feel as though the sound is being injected into my brain. At some point, I nod off.

I woke about 6.30 am and dozed for a while. Took another ibuprofen, had breakfast, made my wife a cup of tea, and read the news. They’re reporting that ‘a number’ of people have been stabbed on a train in Cambridgeshire. And apparently, JD Vance believes his Muslim wife should convert to Christianity. Welcome to the world in 2025.

I go back to bed and sleep for a while. So here I am, having less success at pretending it’s not happening.

Take care out there.

Co-Codamol can be addictive and could cause withdrawal symptoms. I’m very uncomfortable taking them and do so only, maybe, once a week. Please don’t do what I do; talk to your Doctor.

Previous post: My Head Hurts #4: The Side Effects
Next post: My Head Hurts #6: Staying Positive

(* For the record, it was 10.24 am.)

Professional Advice

Dr Mark Horowitz’s website offers the most practical, professional advice I’ve found online. The academic papers are impenetrable to the non-professional. But he has useful links to newspaper articles which explain things in layman’s terms. The UK mental health charity, Mind, is also a good resource.

#Amitriptyline #Fluoxetine #MHH #mental-health #lester-beall #antidepressant-withdrawal